Somehow they made it work! (My original title did in fact get used, which surprised me.) Here's the original:
Hey! I don't know if you follow me on twitter, but you should! I think I'm hilarious and also, I have no filter, so you'll always get some TMI! We all like that, right? RIGHT? Well, if you follow Vegansaurus, you may have recently seen the retweet in which I refer to myself as a vegan Rachel Ray, only emo and introverted! Look, I'm going to be honest here -- I really love Rachel Ray. If I had cable, I'd watch '30 Minute Meals'. When I have extra $$ on me, I buy her magazine. HER RECIPES ARE SO EASY TO VEGANIZE! And they are quick! I know you all want to make a fast dinner during the work week! Stop hating and start veganizing her simple, yet tasty and creative, recipes! Plus, she didn't go to culinary school and neither did I! No pretension here*!
Anyway, on to something that has to do with animals. Rachel Ray has teamed up with Kathrine Heigl to save some dogs! Let's not talk about how I feel about Kathrine Heigl, okay? (Let's just say that I love Grey's Anatomy and cry to it every week. Who needs Adele**, when I can just watch doctors be all sexy and also tug on my heartstrings on a weekly basis?!)
Animals, right. Okay. On her recent show, Rachel Ray donated $150,000 dollars to Katherine Heigl's animal charity, the Jason Debus Heigl Foundation. It's all about raising awareness about spaying and neutering dogs! Which reminds me of the only PETA poster I ever loved (and even owned, but sadly lost in some move between apartments in Chicago).
Not Rachel or Katherine, but instead: Chan Marshall! Not wearing feather earrings! Also telling you to spay and neuter your pet!
*Cause stereotypically, culinary/pastry school graduates are
**Lying. Totally listen to Adele constantly.